trying...

she switch off his mp3...lying on her bad.. just now she walked form her office to her house.. watching all the dramas around her.. she's not smiling.. she's just empty.. she had been walking almost a day.. without knowing where to go...she just walked..

she take off her dress and walk out from her room and went 2 shower.. luckily she's brother and father is not around.. she just like a zombie right now.. she did not take a shower at all.. she just stand in front of the mirror and watch her dirty face.. its "white".. no sign of blood in her body.. she feel so cold.. she touch the mirror.. she feels like she looking at someone else..and she hate that girl.. she's screaming like hell.. acting like wild animal..cutting her hair.. cutting her hand.. the blood is all over her body.. she do not feel the pain at all.. she stop.. she's crying..she look at the blood in her hand and suck it like it was a grape mix around with apple juice...

she walk back to her room and lying naked on the floor..she feel so warm.. looking at the ceiling.. can see she is thinking of something.. her eyes was so dark that time...really-really dark.. her blood have no sign to stop.. she is trying to kill herself.. but she never wanted to end her life like this..not after what happened today..

she wake up.. looking at her wall.. thinking bout someone.. wanna write something.. she cant feel her leg anymore.. and she did not feel the pain at all.. maybe it not that hurt.. only a small cuts..

she touching her naked body.. feel the feeling of being treating like shit.. she mesmerized all the thing she have been through today... she feel like the world is punishing her for someone sins..

she wrote...

"have you eva feel like you are walking but actually you are floating?...
"have you eva feel like you are smiling but your eyes bleeding?..
"have you eva feel like your skin so soft but actually its as hard as rock?
"have you eva feel so tired but you still cannot sleep?...
"have you eva feel like killing someone but actually you are madly in love with that person?
"hae you eva see the light but at the end the light itself burning your eyes just like hell?
"have you eva feel like screaming your lungs out but your mouth was zipped?

i was hopeless..
i was raped...
i was denied..
i was loved..
i was abandon..
i was nothing...

my soul collapse with my heart...
my eyes hurt when blood streaming on my face..
no body come to help me..
i wasn't there...

they saw me burned..
they saw me lost..
they saw me breathless...
the saw me die...

they walk away and just leave me there..
did you guys eva feel that?

she had enuf.. she's no more crying.. she can see her angel now.. looking at her.. doing nothing..

she hugging her phone.. trying to call somebody.. just to say sorry and she's leaving.. but she cant.. her beloved boyfriend never care bout her anymore.. she's been waiting for almost a year.. she still waiting..but finally not today...

she try to call his brother...but he must busy wif his relationship.. she getting weaker.. wishing she is not alone now.. she miss her chocolate monkey but she'd disappointing him...

she cant breath anymore.. feel the pain so much.. she's giving up.. just let the phone ringing.. she look at her wall.. looking at her painting.. she's smiling... "i dont wanna die"..help me.....